Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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