you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
