Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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