I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
