my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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