like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
