I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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