I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
