I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
