I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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