the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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