you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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