I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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