my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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