I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
