margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
