I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
