So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I did not marry a roomba.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
