47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
