my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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