I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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