I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize