Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
