He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
