A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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