Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
