I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
