I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
