this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
