Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
