Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
