Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
