took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
