Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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