Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
