Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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