i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
