sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
