Will you blow on my dice?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
