Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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