i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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