I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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