he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
