I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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