Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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