someone threw a dead crab at me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
