I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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