Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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