roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Barsexuality is the new black.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
