He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize