I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
