please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
