Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
