Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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