Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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