Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize