i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I just sharted jello shots
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