You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
