we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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