i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
