no, he came in my armpit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
