dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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