i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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