alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
