I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
