you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
