it wasn't lemon gatorade
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
