..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
