I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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