I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
