I am spending my child support on dildos
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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