It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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