If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Couch. On fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
