You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
