What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
